back to december
by Watashiwakeikodesu
Summary: "How I wish, I realized what I have earlier." ShinxShiho oneshot based on a song, Back to December Disclaimer: Back to December and Detective Conan belongs to its rightful owner. Sorry for some grammatical error, will fix it soon :) Rated T just to be safe :D


I'm so glad that you agreed to meet up with me. We haven't seen each other in a while, I bet you are busier than ever, being the youngest biochemist in Japan and all.

You asked me on how's my life and how's my parents.

We talked about random things like how cold the weather is getting, life at work and some other things.

I can feel your guard is up and I just know the reason why.

It because our last encounter is still etched in the back of your mind.

I remember all those things I take for granted.

I asked you to go out with me just because of the bet I had with my friends and because Ran rejected me.

I used you to make her jealous.

You sincerely loved me, even though you already knew I was just utilizing you, but all I care about is my self.

You stayed beside me and did not even bother to let go.

When that trick didn't worked on Ran, I vent my frustrations on you.

I purposely hurt you.

I flirt with other girls, stood you up and said a lot of hurtful words

There is one time that you personally delivered a roses as a congratulatory gift since, I became a rookie player for Tokyo Spirits.

I didn't even bother with your gift and left them on the shoe rack in the foyer to die.

And let you see it the next day.

You even made an effort for me. To give me something on Valentines, my birthday and I remember, That you even worked on a part-time job so you could have that latest spike shoes as a Christmas gift for me but, I didn't even bother to give you anything in return.

Not even once. Not even a call to greet you on your birthday.

You still stayed despite of that saying that you are not expecting anything in return.

You still love me even though there seems no hope for me to feel the same way.

While we are talking in the middle of this coldness, flashbacks of our time together played inside my head.

Like,

One summer, when you prepared a lunch for the whole team when we had a teaching sessions with the children in the neighborhood.

I was surprised to see you and the lunch you prepared.

The team loved the food you gave them. Even the coaches and the staff too.

They told me I am fortunate to have you.

I don't know why but, I felt proud of you at that time. I felt touched by the action you just did, your kindness and sincerity.

I even show you around the field. I discovered that you knew how to play the game I love.

We played around and laugh like kids. It was really a beautiful time we had.

Somehow, that moment is the most significant time we had.

From there, we became close and I was to forget that I'm actually in love with another woman.

But things start to go haywire again when Ran broke up with her boyfriend and called me one fall night to confide on me.

That night I was supposed to meet you but, I chose to be with her.

Much worse is I didn't even bother to give you a call to inform you.

You waited for me but I never came.

I apologized to you, not even expecting for your forgiveness but, you still forgave me and understand my reason saying that you'll do the same to the person dear to you.

You should get mad at me but you didn't.

Your kindness and understanding makes my heart flutter.

And I realize fell in love with you. I really want to tell you how I feel and make all your sufferings up to you.

As I was driving to your house one night, I finally took up the courage to tell you my feelings and make things right when, I saw you inside someone else's car.

I watch you laughing at the passenger side of that car with that bloke on the other side.

You seem to be happy with him. It hurts me to see that you can truly be happy without someone like me who done nothing but hurt you.

When you meet up with me in this park one night, exactly two years ago, I broke up with you, telling you that I don't love you in the very first place. That I'm just using you to make Ran jealous.

That now Ran is back I don't need you. Inside, it really breaks my heart to tell all those things to you, to lie about my feelings for you.

I left you after you gave me all your love and all you got is a goodbye from a person who doesn't deserve you.

So right now here I am, swallowing my pride saying sorry for that night.

I told you that fateful night, that I want my freedom back.

But all this time, I only missed you. How I wish that I realized what I had earlier.

I wish, I could turn around and make everything all right.

It's a wishful thinking, a mindless dreaming but, if we ever love again, I swear I would love you right.

If I go back in time and change it I would but it's too late.

But this is me with you on right now, in a December evening, swallowing my pride to say sorry for what I did in the past.

I'm maybe too late but I'm hoping that we can go back the way we did before and make it all right, if you may.


End file.
